In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
they're like a gay fantastic four
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
