I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
