i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
