I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
