CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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