your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
