Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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