You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
