I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
