You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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