Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
