you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
