***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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