i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
