I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
