I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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