i can't believe i had my finger in that
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
