I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
As shirtless as possible
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
