everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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