even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
