How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
