I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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