Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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