3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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