Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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