Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
