So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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