don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
