Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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