It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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