Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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