i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just forgot I was standing up.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
