taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I just want to make out with him forever
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
