When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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