there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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