I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
being pregnant is like rehab
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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