me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
