Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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