Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i think i just lost a toe
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
