You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
jump out the window naked night went bad
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize