dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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