it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
