erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
