1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
sex in a hospital.. check
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
