After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
