Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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