I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
