Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
