we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
