I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
