She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
