She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
40s are totally the cure
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
