A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
