I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
