all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize