last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
