Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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