Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
where does the pee come out of this thing
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
