Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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