sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
