do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
