Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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