How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
