Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
