If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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