then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
