the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize