so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
