When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I have fence marks all over my body
When are your genitals available?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
