No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
