She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
