even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
