guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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